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Tooth Fairy Leaves $500 Gift Certificate, Exacerbates Spoiled Rotten Tot
On the stage of the Doctor Phil show little Jimmy McManus sat in a straitjacket, gagged, his face red with rage, his parents beside him in tears, comforting him as best they could. The audience was in a tizzy, hurling obscenity after obscenity upon the stage. Paramedics were treating Dr. Phil, who insisted he'd "be alright" despite little Jimmy McManus nearly burning off Dr. Phil's suit with a blowtorch he had somehow managed to sneak on the stage. Firefighters were busy putting out the remaining smoldering pieces of furniture. Dozens of burly policemen stood between the outraged audience and the stage. They had been forewarned that this could be an "explosively incendiary episode" and were waiting in the wings, just in case. Just how "incendiary" nobody could possibly have predicted. One of them had rushed onto the stage and had managed to safely confiscate the blowtorch and restrain the insanely angry boy, and had placed him between his two parents who kept saying "everything is going to be okay."
The previews of this particular episode of the Dr. Phil show had captured the nation's fancy and subsequently made this episode the highest rated of all his shows. The previews included:
Videos of smashed jewelry and watch glass cases at Nordstrom's.
An interview with a lovely but badly shaken pianist sitting beside the now grossly disfigured Steinway piano after little Jimmy had squirted hydrochloric acid on it from his "water" bottle, thus ruining its magnificent finish.
Scenes from the McManus household itself included:
A tarred and feathered Perfect Pet Polly the McManuses had bought for little Jimmy after he had torn the wings off several live parakeets they had bought him for Christmas.
The Maserati that had been "keyed" with a Buck knife with several slogans etched into the doors such as "fuck you Mommy."
Several dead frogs, toads and mice hanging from rope from tree limbs throughout the McManus estate, as well as numerous frog heads hanging from string off the patio deck.
Neighborhood kids showing various scratches and bite marks allegedly given to them by little Jimmy.
Numerous violent video games, some of an extreme pornographic nature taken by the FBI as evidence from little Jimmy's laptop.
Several kitchen cabinet doors that had been kicked in half as well as numerous cigarette burn marks in the linoleum floor.
The Swastika tattoo on little Jimmy's forehead that he had apparently bought for himself for his fourth birthday with money he had stolen from his parents.
Interviews with several local tattoo parlor owners who swore up and down "they didn't do it."
His preschool teacher who said he had been expelled for terrorizing both the kids AND their parents.
A Homeland Security official interview who "hadn't connected the dots" in this case.
And finally an interview with his grandma who said "he's really a nice boy, just a phase he's going through you know."
And so there they were, at the beginning of the Dr. Phil show, the good doctor dusting himself off as he sat down on the new recliner brought onto the set by stagehands, the burnt furniture still smoldering beside him. "Well we never quite had a show begin like that. Today's show is about how wealthy parents can raise their kids in the internet age without spoiling them. We are here today with the McManus family. I understand that you, James McManus and wife Cindy, are a brain surgeon and CEO at a prestigious investment firm, respectively."
"That's right Dr. Phil," wife Cindy said.
"And when did you start noticing the changes in your son?" Dr. Phil responded.
"Well, it was right after we bought him his computer and smartphone, for his third birthday," wife Cindy responded.
"And this latest episode, how did it come about?" asked Dr. Phil.
"A few weeks ago, after little Jimmy turned five years old and lost a tooth, we put a $500 Nordstrom gift certificate under his pillow while he was asleep, and when taking him to the store he wanted something more expensive, as you could surmise form this show's previews."
"Well," said Dr. Phil, "we're here to fix all that today on the Dr. Phil show..."
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